held together by water

and to know you is hardly wonder | to know you all wrong, we were | (OOoooooooooo | (OOoooooooooo) | really too late to call, so we wait for | morning

i ran on your name today. you, fucker.
sometimes i run because the weather is so warm (after a long winter) that i am intoxicated - like all the mitochondria, in my skin and my feet and on the inside of my lungs, they've all turned the sunlight into wine, just like galilei said. sometimes i run because i don't know what else to do with my limbs. sometimes i am sad and sometimes i am angry and sometimes i just need to push myself forward. today it was you. smashed the souls of my shoes into the snow. up and around and over the banks, in front of cars that were in a hurry to get somewhere else, away from my house and back again even though it still doesn't feel much like home and more like a prison in the middle of a prison-city. and then when i was done running, i walked. cause otherwise i'd be down on the sidewalk [curled with my teeth against my knees | scratching at my consciousness | like a bitch with fleas]

stretching angles and elbows around ankles until the muscles are straight and i can feel my self center. breathing the beautiful ache into releasing (mind over matter). sleepy dogs who love me regardless of my emotional dysfunction. lonely lonely, here with me. really early morning on highway 70e. saturday mornings that remind me of state street. the sound of nighttime snowplows.

who knows | who knows? | i may come home | yeah, i may return

[the funeral ] - liz lee
[beautiful girls] - deertick
[itch] - ani
[skinny love] - bon iver
[california pt. 2] - vampire weekend


it was lost in the street;
says, i huffed and i puffed | and i shooed him away
hell, i stopped the sunset in the middle of the day | i watched him grow wings,
fly away

akimbo

If you call me | I won't be home
I'm hiding from the kingdom come

hiding across the street from the abandoned police station. from a perfectly interesting possibility (because i'm still stuck beside the one 200 miles to the north, 1200 miles to the west, across two oceans and several continents) and away from the snow. wearing heels every day and staying up compulsively late. working -by association - for big pharm, combustible cars, dangerous oil. the media king, a midnight radio monopolist with his fingers in every dirty pot of gold. yoga, unless i'm lazy. too much coffee, not enough sunlight. coconut skins, vampire weekend, and cosmic love in a blizzard, for the brokenhearted two years too late.

[they cared, right? i'm not crazy?]

distracted and wordless.
wishing i were on a different continent because it might have changed everything this time.
pulling my hair out by the roots.
falling asleep on my back, limbs akimbo.
MFA v. PC (i live in a land of non-lucrative acronyms).

put me back in a place where i've no option. clearly my self-control is kicking in for all the wrong reasons. take the world away from my finger tips and make me fight for it again. every day. hot and out of my element and fresh-faced from the lack of an alternative.

surviving. survive(d) paradise.